Tuesday, June 22, 2010



Whenever I've seen the first weigh-in on "The Biggest Loser" I've been puzzled. The contestants usually get emotional and cry, and some of them look surprised. Surely they know how much they weigh! thought I.

After yesterday, when my weight was posted online for all to see, I finally get it.  It is one thing to know you are overweight, obese even. It is a whole other thing to reveal your weight for all to see.  I feel exposed, stripped down.

It's kind of silly, really because being overweight isn't like a gambling or drug addiction that can take your friends and family by surprise.  My problem is obvious, my belly rolls and double chins are always out there for everyone to see.

But that doesn't change the fact that all day yesterday I kept feeling waves of embarrassment. Kind of like when you are dating someone and get dumped. You'll be going about your day then you suddenly remember the hurt and the sadness rolls over you.  All day I kept thinking, "People know how much I weigh! How awful!"

I'm so embarrassed by my weight I haven't even told my family about this competition. My family who love me and would support me are left in the dark because of my pride. Even though I know THEY KNOW I am fat, I just can't quite tell them what my weight is. I just picture them saying, "Two hundred and sixty pound! WOW she is really fat!" Because, well, that's what I feel like!

And forget about the people I went to high school with. I think I emailed one person to tell them about the competition. I just can't bear the thought of them knowing I am fat. Maybe as I work through this competition I will become braver and tell other people. But for now this much exposure is all I can take.

Sigh. I'm so ready to not be fat anymore.


  1. Oh Steph,
    I am so glad that you posted how you felt about telling how much you weigh, tell you what, I will tell how much I weigh and this is not something anyone knows about me either, so by doing this everyone who reads this will know about my weight too... and you will not be alone....I weigh 202, and just lost 3 lbs since last Thursday, I am going to be right along with all you girls...We can all do it and then we will be able to say what we weigh and not be embarrassed, you hang in there, I am rooting for you girl!

    Your new weight loss buddy


  2. You are so awesome. It's so hard to be honest. I posted my weight and measurement so that I will become more accountable.

    You are NOT alone anymore. Shame keeps us hidden and that makes things worse.

  3. Thanks for sharing hun!

    I am sorry you felt that way yesterday... I still can't get over the fact that 16+ people have signed up to read my posts... people that don't even know me are interested in what I have to say...you wont be 260lbs for much longer!

    We ARE going to lose weight!

  4. (((Steph)))

    I am sorry that yesterday was such a humbling experience for you. :( Remember you are strong and you can do this and you are here to help and motivate others on their journeys as well. It is a known fact that accountability and verbalizing your goals - putting yourself out there - is a surefire method to success. You have made yourself accountable to 200+ people - you won't let them down. We are all here to support you on this journey, you can do it! We believe you can do it, so can you!!


  5. Girl, I feel your pain!!!!! I have wrestled and wrestled with whether to tell people or not. I finally bit the bullet and posted it on facebook. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't spend the whole day as a big bundle of anxiety. (((hugs)))), we're gonna do it girl, and we're gonna kick butt!

  6. you can do this! we can all do this! and just remember that as of yesterday, with all the work you're putting in that numbers not going to be there anymore!

  7. I'm so excited to follow your progress! You'll have to work some "far across the sea" waves into your exercise routine. :)

  8. I so feel your pain! I had a hard time even putting it in to apply. I didn't post my weight on my blog just pics and that was sooo hard! I am proud of you for your bravery! If you would like a weight loss buddy swing by and visit my blog...
    We can encourage each other :)

  9. Mindy, Laura, Nikki, Vanessamae-you guys are so sweet. Thank you for supporting me!
    Maria-That makes me feel better!
    Joyce and Renae-Going to check out your blogs, thank you for your kind words I really appreciate it!
    Julie-HELLO!! :)

  10. Hugs to you girl! Ive been there! I was so embarrased to even buy lowfat foods LOL it was like admitting that I was on a diet. Admitting I was overweight-but ya obviously everyone could see that I was...Youre doing fantatic and Im so happy to hear your daughter is already seeing your good influence!

  11. Looks like you've been doing awesome these first few days though so it looks like you're well on your way. Keep it up! And try not to be too emberrased, we're all here trying to do it together :)